Angry Rodent

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. (2) Five minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. (3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. (4) Go ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It ! (5) Loud sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.) (6) That's okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and...

An elderly couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.'How do you feel about sex?' he asked, rather tentatively. 'I would like it infrequently' she replied. The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered -'Is that one word or two?'

An elderly man in Queensland , Australia had owned a large property. For several years. He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango and avocado trees. The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it was built and he also had some picnic tables placed there in the shade of the fruit trees. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a ten-liter bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the croco...

The G36 is a German 5.56mm assault rifle, designed in the early 1990s by Heckler & Koch (H&K) and accepted into service with the Bundeswehr in 1997, replacing the 7.62mm G3 battle rifle. At the end of the cold war after the rejection of Heckler & Koch’s caseless round and the G11 rifle the German army (Bundeswehr) had really three options: 1. to continue to use the G3 rifle. 2. to start using the AK-74 (of which there were tens of thousands in the armories of the former East German state), 3. to have yet another competition for a new assault rifle. After much deliberation the choise was finally made: the G3 was becoming obsolete, the AK-74 was politically untenable (but it would have been the most economic choise). So a new design competition was held. The winner of this competition was a new rifle system from H&K, which was adopted as the G36 (Gewehr 36 = Rifle 36). Variants of the G36 Assult riffle are as follows:- - G36E/V: Previously known a...

A man was leaving a cafe when he noticed an unusual funeral. A funeral Coffin was followed by a second one. Behind the second coffin was a Solitary man walking with a black dog. Behind him was a queue of 200 men walking in single line. The man couldn't stand his curiosity. He approached the man walking with the dog, 'I am so sorry to disturb you, But I've never seen a funeral like this with so many of you walking in single line.. Whose funeral is it?' The man replied,' That first coffin is for my wife.' What happened to her?'......'My dog attacked and killed her.' 'Well, who is in the second coffin?' 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog attacked And killed her also.' A thoughtful moment of silence passes between the two men. Then the First one asks in excitement, 'Can I borrow the dog? The man replied,' Join the queue…………………………'

Jeff & Karen were friends in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,Jeff suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Karen promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jeff out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Karen's heroic act, she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Karen the news she said, "Karen, I have good news and bad news." "The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays that you have a sound mind." "The bad news is, Jeff, the patient you saved, hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Karen replied, "He...

Lesson One: An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit on my ass like you and do nothing?" The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Management Lesson: To be sitting on your ass and doing nothing, you must be sitting very high up. ************************************************** Lesson Two: A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my manure droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of manure, found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he ...