Angry Rodent

A married man, Marv, was asked to perform his SWOT (Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, Threat) Analysis. Marv said, my strength is my wife. My weakness is my neighbours wife. Opportunity comes when neighbour goes out. Threat comes when I myself go out.

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them his results after the examination. 'First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector', says the Coroner. 'Second body: 'Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol Poisoning, hence the smile.' 'And what of the third body?' asked the Inspector. 'Ah,' says the coroner, 'this is the most unusual one. Paddy from Belfast, 30, struck by lightning.' 'Why is he smiling then?' inquires the Inspector. 'Thought he was having his picture taken

JFK'S Secretary of State, Dean Rusk, was in France in the early 60's when De Gaulle decided to pull out of NATO. De Gaulle said he wanted all US military out of France as soon as possible. Rusk responded "Does that include those who are buried here?" De Gaulle did not respond You could have heard a pin drop ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ There was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American. During a break, one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done? He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims. What does he intended to do, bomb them?' A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly: 'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and ca...

Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.They managed to bag 6.As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose. The two lads objected strongly.'Last year we got six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours.' Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down. Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, Paddy and Mick survived the crash.After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, 'Any idea where we are?'Mick replied, 'I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year.'

A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates. Ahead of him is a guy, fashionably dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket & jeans. God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not? The guy replies: I am Pandi, Auto driver from Chennai! God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Pandi: Please take this silken robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ... Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming voice: I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for the last 40 years. God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ... 'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouth, rash driving Auto Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life prea...

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich. He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?" She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it." "Why?" he asked. She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!" "Let me see" he said. "Okay" and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken." He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!" She as...

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, Its not the same hat!" or, "Look,he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything.It was, after all, the Captain's' parrot. Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day... and then 2 days. and then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, th...

After teasing preview of War Machine , has fully revealed the new figure. As seen in the upcoming Iron Man 2 , War Machine is scheduled for release in October or November 2010 at a price of 24,000 Yen (about $264 USD). The 1/6th scale War Machine collectible figure specially features: Authentic & detailed fully realized likeness of Don Cheadle as War Machine in the movie Iron Man 2 Alternate head with authentic likeness of Don Cheadle as Col. James 'Rhodey' Rhodes in the movie Approximately 30 cm tall Over 36 points of articulations Movable and detachable parts on shoulder and waist Four (4) pairs of interchangeable palm One (1) pair with improved articulations, movable fingers and light-up repulsors (white light, battery operated) One (1) pair of open palms with light-up repulsors (white light, battery operated) One (1) pair of relaxed palms with light-up repulsors (white light, battery operated) One (1) pair of fists Metallic grey flat colored painting on a...

Sideshow Collectibles has posted more images of their 12" Beachhead figure from their 12" GI Joe line! The long awaited figure features several accessories including: • Pro Body 1.2 with over 30+ points of articulation • Beachhead portrait • Neck cover • Rolled fabric beret • Commando sweater with detailed patches • Dog Tags • Detailed pants with pockets • Assault vest • Assault backpack • Boots • Pistol Belt • Drop leg .45 holster • .45 quadruple magazine shingle • MOLLE belt • Drop leg MOLLE platform • Compass Pouch • Three sets of interchangeable gloved hands • XMLR-3A Laser rifle • Single point rifle sling • .45 1911 Pistol 45 magazine x 6 • Red smoke grenade • Yellow smoke grenade • Fragmentation grenade x 3 • Tactical Railed Crossbow • Crossbow bolt x 5 • Hip Quiver • Combat knife with sheath • Robinson Arms XCR(R) Short Barrel Rifle with folding stock • Vertical Foregrip • M68/CCO Red Dot Sight • 3x...

With all the hype on Tiger Wood's life and now there's a Singaporean Tiger woods too, I guess deep down the world just really need to get a move on and get a life.He is just a man,a man is as faithful as his option no more no less...so below is what Tiger Wood should have said to the scum-blood-sucking-hypocrite leeches a.k.a the world...In fact I would recommend it to anyone who needs to get on with their life back on track... What Tiger should have said: To my wife, I'm sorry. I fraked up but I'm not changing so you'll either need to put up with this shit or I'll stroke you the check I agreed to in the pre-nup.. get sorted bitch To my fans, get over it. Where I stick my schnauzer is none of your business. If you care....sorry. I don't need any of you in order to make 10 times in one year what you'll make in a career. I promise to continue to hit 4 irons from 210 yards to within 10' of the hole and drop putts that you couldn't read in a million ...

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship. One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother. Cinderella said, 'Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years'? The fairy godmother replied, 'Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?' Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, she uttered her first wish: 'The prince was wonderful, but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my disability cheques, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension.' Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold. Cinderella said,:'Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother' The fairy godmother replied,'It is the least that I can ...

An Arab's royal son goes to Germany to study. A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying: "Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive at school in my Mercedes SLR McLaren, when all my teachers travel by train." Sometime later he gets a letter from his dad with a ten million dollar cheque saying: "Stop embarrassing us, go and get yourself a train too !"

following the success story of the Human Alliance class action figure..another autobot warrior from bay-former has joined in the lime light that is so so well deserved..Jazz.... Dunno when will it be out yet, but 1 thing for sure it looks sweet!!

Perfect Change Dancouga Nova is one heck of a toy..sure it cost around 80,000 yen which equals to about USD900.19.. It is for serious hardcore Dancouga Nova fans or hardcore collectors only...what cool about it is that it has around 3400 moving parts!! Lots of die cast parts....

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood. 2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all. 3. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team. 4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. 5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message. 6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this over and over and over.....) 7. T...