Chuck Norris Jokes
Just for the heck of it let's have some Chuck Norris jokes:
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
- If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
- China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.
- If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
- Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
- Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
- A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
- If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
- Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
- If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
- Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
- Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
- Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
- Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
- After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".
- When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
- Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
- Darth Vader dresses up as Chuck Norris for Halloween.
- Chuck Norris is the only person can clicked the unclickable button... twice
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- The original name of the movie was Alien vs Predator vs Chuck Norris, but the producers realized that nobody would ever watch a movie that only lasted fourteen seconds.
- Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris woke up one day and decided he should share his knowledge with the world... Thus Google was born.
- chuck norris died 20 years ago. death just never had the guts to tell him.
- Chuck Norris can beat Halo 3 on Legendary...with a guitar hero controller!
- chuck norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana
- Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands outside and dares it to grow.
- Chuck Norris didn't wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
- Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
- Chuck Norris movies are real. This is why no actor in a Chuck Norris movie has ever won an Oscar.
- The term "Reality T.V." was invented when people realized Chuck Norris movies were really Michael Moore Documentaries.
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- Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
- If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
- China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth.
- If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
- Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.
- Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
- A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
- If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
- Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
- If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
- Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
- Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker’s real father.
- Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
- Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.
- After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".
- When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds till.” After you ask, “Two seconds to what?” he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
- Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
- Darth Vader dresses up as Chuck Norris for Halloween.
- Chuck Norris is the only person can clicked the unclickable button... twice
- Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
- The original name of the movie was Alien vs Predator vs Chuck Norris, but the producers realized that nobody would ever watch a movie that only lasted fourteen seconds.
- Scientists in Washington have recently conceded that, if there were a nuclear war, all that would remain are cockroaches and Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris woke up one day and decided he should share his knowledge with the world... Thus Google was born.
- chuck norris died 20 years ago. death just never had the guts to tell him.
- Chuck Norris can beat Halo 3 on Legendary...with a guitar hero controller!
- chuck norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana
- Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands outside and dares it to grow.
- Chuck Norris didn't wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.
- Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
- Chuck Norris movies are real. This is why no actor in a Chuck Norris movie has ever won an Oscar.
- The term "Reality T.V." was invented when people realized Chuck Norris movies were really Michael Moore Documentaries.
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